Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
