I hate your face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
