You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
