yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
