grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
