You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
