Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
