My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
