Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
