this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
