we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
