I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
