remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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