What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
