there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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