They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
