You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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