either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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