CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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