My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
