Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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