I skipped work to stalk him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
