it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
