we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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