i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
