as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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