she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
