i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
