my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
