ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
