somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize