wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
