smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
