WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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