piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
