I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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