Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
