she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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