Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
