theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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