A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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