Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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