my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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