Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
