I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
