explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
