She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
