i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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