I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
