i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
