Soap is not a condiment
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
