At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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