she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
