maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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