I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
