U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So drunk its hurt
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
