smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
