Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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