The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
