It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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